"Dancing is not forbidden, wiggling might be unavoidable"

The Loss of Cool… and Good Riddence

This is the first but probably not the last piece I will write on the topic of coolness and how it is or has been a bane of my existence.  I hope it proves to be helpful or at least somewhat funny.

Losing your cool… Man, I cannot tell you how much fun, happiness, pure joy and exhilaration I missed out on because of the fear of not being cool. There was something about my generation… who grew up on the Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller, etc… The music my friends and I listened to… U2, the Cult, the Clash… bands which if they didn’t look solemn, well then they simply did not interest us. Anyone who looked like they were having fun was not cool.

Being cool sucks. A cool person sucks all of happiness out of a room. Why? Because cool people hate everything. Cool people love a band until everyone else gets into them (which is a natural process especially if the band plays good music)… then the cool person deems the band in question as having sold out. Cool people, do not express visible emotion because a cool person remains stoic.

I was reminded of this when recently I got back in touch with someone who was my best friend back in high school. We did this lip-sync performance of a Bruce Willis song (Youngblood – if you must know… shut-up) where he (playing the cool guy) and I (playing a nerd) sing about women we could not have. At the time, when I had other friends actually playing music, I began to freak out that what I was doing was not cool… Now, I wish I could have gone back in time and told myself to lighten up and have a blast with it. In fact, I did have a blast with it, but I was also worried still about not doing the cool thing. But looking back now, the idea of lip-syncing a Bruce Willis song is actually pretty hilarious on several different levels. And my friend and I got up and did something amazingly not cool for that time period… and I think that makes up pretty cool in fact. Not that I want to be cool anymore… I’m just saying…

But there is a cure for this… having a little baby girl. There is nothing you will not do for your little baby girl. If this means walking down the street carrying a My Little Pony Pink knapsack, then you do it. I cannot tell you how many times I have been complimented on “my” Tinkerbell bag when I have completely forgotten I had it on. These sort of things happen when you become a dad. And only lame fathers would not do this, especially when it’s for your little girl.

And losing my cool is actually a relief to me. Now some of my reader(s) may want to inform me of the misconception I was ever cool. It is not my attempt in writing today, to state/affirm I was ever cool… but I was TRYING to be cool. And it was in the act of attempting to be cool that made me miss out on a lot of fun.

So now, it is my mission, to do what is fun and exciting, and with a sense of attaining pure joy. When people see me performing some action, I want them to know at least I am having a blast. It was Calvin and Hobbes who on more then one occasion have pointed out the futility in attempting to be cool.

H : "What are you doing?"

C : "Being cool."

H : "You look more like you're bored."

C : "The world bores you when you're cool."

Maybe this is all a part of getting older, I don’t know, but letting go of cool is a beautiful thing.  And if I have lost some “cool points” in your books… then what I am doing is working.  :)

Variations on a Lily Theme

So while Bunny and I were under the impression that we had a two and a quarter year’s old little girl, we in fact have a puppy. Now my reader(s), know(s) that I already have a dog (see the previous entry) but in fact I evidently have two.

For the past few weeks, instead of receiving a kiss, Minna and I now receive licks. In the morning, when I pick Lily up out of her crib, along with a hug, I will get a large lick across my cheek and if I am particularly lucky, I will get another across the other cheek. In addition, if you ask Lily to bring you something, more often then not, she will place said item in her mouth and “carry” it to you.

This has been a fun addition to our little family, but also just as interesting is when we are getting Lily ready for bed. Normally, we make dinner for Lily, brush her teeth and get her in her jammies and ready to be carried upstairs to her crib.

I have to interrupt this tale, to give you a little background information. One of the many DVDs we have for Lily that we watch on a regular basis is called Baby Babble. Among other things, it teaches simple sign language to your child… Things like, “I’m hungry”, “I’m thirsty”, “More”, “Please”, “Thank you”, etc. Well Lily’s gotten most of these down (except she’s never motivated to perform the “thank you” motion.

But lately, when we get her ready for bed, and Lily realizes the next step is me taking her to her bedroom, Lily now frantically makes the motion stating she’s hungry. Now Lily KNOWS we would not let her go to bed starving, so this means we make attempts to feed her, even though we are 90% sure (if not 100) she’s not hungry. Now, this may sound like the wrong move to take, but my reader(s) need to understand one thing about Lily. She can’t eat when she’s not hungry. She doesn’t eat when she’s not hungry. Lily could be eating the most awesome dessert ever created but when she gets her fill, she stops eating (this is an amazing course of action she follows that one of these days, I will need to try to emulate). Now, Lily knows if she doesn’t eat, she is going to be taken to bed, so she takes whatever food we have given her, and begins to fake eat it. She places the piece of apple about an inch from her mouth and makes chewing motions (and she thinks she’s fooling us). Once she took a piece of cheese and took such small bites I needed my glasses to see the nibble marks. Even when I take her upstairs and am about to put her down in her crib, she will always make one last desperate plea of hunger. The fact that Mommy and Daddy have not “fallen” for this move has not dampened Lily’s hopes that one night it will succeed.

Buffy’s Leap

Buffy is our Pomeranian. She’s almost 5 years old now and we basically consider her our second daughter (first as she technically was here before Lily). Before Lily, and after, we have taken Buffy practically everywhere we have gone. I can count the number of times we have not taken Buffy somewhere with us on one hand. However, I will go into the complete biography of Buffy another time. Today, I just wanted to write about the day she attempted to save Bunny’s life.

It was an early gray morning, and Minna was lying in the kiddie pool. Actually, Minna was birthing Lily in the kiddie pool. For the previous two days, Minna had been in labor. Oddly, during those two days, Buffy pretty much avoided Minna. It was as if Buffy was following some “code” in which she was letting Minna do her thing on her own, and she didn’t want to get in the way. So for two days, Buffy wouldn’t go near Bunny. That was, until Minna got into the kiddie pool. It was going on 9 in the morning, and already exhausted, and becoming desperate, Bunny asked me to fill the pool so she could try and get the baby out of her. As a man during these times, you pretty much can feel useless as you watch your wife go through a tremendous amount of pain and suffering and there’s not a whole lot you can do but offer support and encouragement (and cry in my case). So I was overjoyed to have some sort of project to do that would help. I filled the pool as quick as I could and the mid-wife and I got Minna into the tub. Well soon after that, Minna was able to get into full birthing mode which meant a LOT of screaming and yelling and screeching. It bought a few of our neighbours to right outside our fence, to check and make sure everything was all right. “Yes, we’re having a baby.” I would reply. “Wonderful, good luck!” they would respond as if I had told them we were having a barbecue. Well this also bought Buffy back into our realm. She had heard “Mommy” crying and became desperate to help. She came outside, saw Bunny in the pool and went running to jump in. Now I must pause here to tell you that this was not an insignificant course of action on Buffy’s part, because Buffy HATES water. HATES water! She only drinks it and wants nothing else to do with it. But in this case, she was putting her feelings and interests aside and she was going to rescue her “mommy” from whatever trouble she was having. So Buffy lounged towards the pool and took a running jump… and ricochets right off the inflatable pool and falls back two or three feet. At that point, she starts clawing and jumping at the sides of the pool trying in vain to reach Bunny. The mid-wife and I laugh and I try to get Buffy to understand that while “Mommy’s” yelling, she’s going to be ok. And a few pushes and screams later, Mommy was ok, and so was Buffy’s new sister, Lily. Later, while Mommy held Lily on the couch, Buffy could be found licking/cleaning off the new “puppy” in our family.

When You Want to Know Who You Can Trust... Watch the children

Saw this photo in the New York Times. With Lily, I have learned to get a good feel for people when I watch her and see how she "warms" up to them... if she warms up to them at all.

This past weekend, she fell in love with my friend Michelle's husband, Jose because he immediately possessed this trusting, loving quality about him that Lily immediately vibed to.

Look at this photo, see the expression on the kid's face? I have a good feeling about Obama. :)

What I Purchased & Why: iTunes 2008 Christmas-time

Kiss wins the 2008 title for artist that missed the cut (last year was Pink)

At Christmas and my birthday, there is only one gift I want… iTunes. I cannot get enough of them. My wife, Bunny, and mother-in-law, Mom, keep me plenty supplied around these times. Thus, without further ado, I present the 2^nd Annual “How I Spent My iTunes At Christmas” the 2008 Edition.

Last year, if you had read you would have found that I made purchases that ranged from Run-DMC (shut-up) to Jah Wobble, Kiss (Ace Frehley’s Solo album), Toots Thielemans, U2’s Greatest Hits, Sundays, Yes, Gary Numan, and OMD.

So this year, I wanted to do it a little bit differently, and add some new categories. While I was hoping my list would be as eclectic as last year’s I now realize they all fit into a similar genre. While making several music purchases, I would also purchase my first iTunes book and film.

Therefore, without further ado, here’s what I purchased and more importantly the thought process that went into it. In no particular order…

Puccini: La Bohème (with Carlo Bergonzi, Renata Tebaldi, circa 1957): Minna and I were watching Moonstruck, during a trip to see my brother, shortly before Christmas. For the soundtrack, they basically used this entire album and Minna commented several times how wonderful the singers were then, even recognizing Renata by her voice. There are two people who I will purchase opera albums based on their comments alone. Jason Morgan, and my Bunny. This is an awesome recording.

The Dark Knight: So I decided my first iTunes movie would be a good old Batman movie. According to IMDB, this is already one of the top 10 grossing movies of all time. I liked the first installment. And it was definitely worth it. Good film, and it’s too bad there won’t be a sequel with the Joker.

108 Sacred Names of Mother Divine – Sacred Chants of Devi by Craig Pruess & Ananda: This is probably my brother John and his wife Jane’s fault. We have gone to England to see them two or three times in recent months and they are pretty new-agey, while maintaining a high sense of coolness. Anyway, this is a meditation album with a pretty cool song call Devi Prayer which runs at a short 21 minutes and 22 seconds.

Afro-harping by Dorothy Ashby: This probably should win the “How the hell did you find this one, James!?” award… and it’s a long story, that I will try to make short… I love soundtracks from the old blaxploitation movies. Most of the movies are hilarious but the music is FANTASTIC. I love nothing better then the “wackka-chackka” of a guitar. Anyway, in one of my more recent blaxploitation purchases, I found that “other iTunes listeners who purchased that music also purchased “Afro-harping” by Dorothy Ashby. She plays the jazz harp, which I had no idea there was such a thing. And the album is TREMENDOUS! I strongly recommend it for parties and just hanging out and chillin. Lily likes it at bathtime.

Release of an Oath by the Electric Prunes: Re-read the last paragraph… there’s a musician-producer named David Axelrod who specializes in the exact sound I was referring to. This is a group he participated in doing a religious album in jazz style. Once I listen to it (not from lack of interest, it’s just I have been totally into the Dorothy Ashby album) I will let you know.

I Saw the Light by Hank Williams: Ok… I love U2… back in the 80s, there was a U2 documentary (called Outside It’s America) and it shows them while touring the Joshua Tree in the deserts of America. Well at a bar after a show, they jam to country songs and one of them is Hank Williams’ the Lost Highway. Well I recently purchased his original version and I fell in love with his sound. I began to get into a religious kick at this point so I found this album and love it. So far I have the jazz and country covered... there will be more…

Keely Smith & Louis Prima: Wild, Cool & Swingin: I blame Frac for this one. He got me into swing music and lounge music has a direct connection. Also, Bunny has some blame as she constantly (at my request) sings ballads and songs from that era… my favourite being, Just a Gigolo. Which is one of Louis’ best. Again, great party album and another great bathtime record.

Looney Tunes Cartoon One Froggy Evening: If I have to explain why I made this purchase… it’s just not worth it… It’s a singing Frog for God’s Sake… a SINGING FROG!!! That’s hilarious!

Audio Book – Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell: This is my first audio purchase and I got it based on how much I loved Malcolm’s other books. Again, once I listen to it, I will let you know.

Robert Johnson King of the Delta Blues: This is the man who inspired Eric Clapton (who was a purchase last year). Great collection of songs, awesome guitar work.

The Very Best of Sam Cooke & the Soul Stirrers Volume 1 & 2: I already had country and jazz, so I needed a little bit of religious soul. I love Sam’s A Change is Gonna Come (even though Spike Lee tried to ruin it in Malcolm X) and this is a great collection of traditional gospel songs. I swear I did not intend on making this a spiritual collection it kind of just happened. But I must admit, I think I have my entire spiritual catalogue set.

So now we are moving into the singles section of my purchases, money’s beginning to run low and I had some specific songs I have been missing for awhile. They include Queensryche’s Silent Lucidity, Ray Charles’ What’d I Say, Lita Ford’s Close My Eyes Forever (guilty pleasure) and a David Axelrod song, Jimmy T.

Overall, I love my collection. I meant to purchase a Kiss album but I can just never get myself to click on the “buy” button… maybe next year.

The Friendly Game of Backgammon

The Backgammon Game

According to Wikipedia, "Backgammon is a board game for two players in which the playing pieces are moved according to the roll of dice. A player wins by removing all of his pieces from the board. There are many variants of backgammon, most of which share common traits. Backgammon is a member of thetables family, one of the oldest classes of board games in the world."

Time to interject here… this is supposed to be a friendly game of backgammon between two people online. The only thing you would expect they would share in common is an appreciation for the game. But watch what happens when two people decide to chat while playing backgammon.

For a little background information, most on-line games offer a chat space so you can say novel things such as “good move”, “nice game”, “hello” and possibly “bye”. But in this case, it went just a bit further.

Player One:enters.
Player One:> hi gl
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> ty gl to u2
Player One:> gg
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> gg
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> what is with all the double 6's
Player One:> Yes I wonder about the randomness of the dice on this site
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> that is the way msn set it up
Player One:> probably
Player One:> haha
Player One:> it does happen a lot that, when you're on the bar, you roll doubles; have you noticed that?
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> I have also played many more games than you and know how to play
EDITORS NOTE: This is our first glimpse into something strange being in the air.
Player One:> I don't understand what you're saying... I know how to play!
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> you have only played 14 games to my 2610
Player One:> Yes, online; I play with people on backgammon boards all the time!
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> some of your moves are way off base
EDITORS NOTE: Player One is winning at this point of the game.
Player One:> OK I've thought the same of you.
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> my moves are made strategically
Player One:> Ok rosie, why don't you just play and you can keep your thoughts to yourself.
EDITORS NOTE: Player One has begun to lose patience.
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> i made my moves based on the wrong ones you have made
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> fine and you will lose
Player One:> I'm not surprised you play online so much; you can't have many friends!
EDITORS NOTE: Player One once told one of the greeters at Walmart (who prevented a dog from coming into the store) that their’s (the greeter) was a pity job. Lesson, do not piss off Player One.
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> keep your stupid remarks to yourself
Player One:> Yep. You are a sad loser. Do you have a lot of cats? Poor cats.
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> SHUT THE %#@$ UP JACKASS
EDITORS NOTE: The backgammon site evidently prevents curse words from being printed but does allow the word jackass… interesting.
Player One:> Rosie, get a boyfriend. My husband just read this chat and thinks you are the biggest loser. Wow! That's an amazing distinction.
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> YOU ARE A SORE LOSER AND A LOUSY PLAYER
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> I HAVE A HUSBAND
Player One:> I am so sorry for him.
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> HE IS A PRO-FOOTBALL PLAYER
Player One:> LOL
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> #@$! YOU
Player One:> Now you're lying. I love it. You are pathetic.
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> SHUT UP
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> YOUR ARE THE PATHETIC ONE I FEEL SORRY FOR YOUR POOR HUSBAND HAVING TO PUT UP WITH A #@$!% LIKE YOU
Player One:> It's so funny to me that you are flipping out. Hey at least you are getting some human interaction instead of talking to your canaries.
EDITORS NOTE: I love that line.
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> I DON'T HAVE ANIMALS IDIOT
Player One:> Thank god for that.
Player One:> I wouldn't wish you on any animal.
Player One:> I don't feel sorry for your husband since there's no way you have one, or if you do he is definitely brain-damaged, like yourself.
Player One:> Maybe you'll play better after 2000 more games.
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):>
EDITORS NOTE: Player Two decided to raise the bar by including icons.
Player One:> you got one in, you should be so proud.
EDITORS NOTE: This was referring to when Player Two finally got a point in the match… just in case anyone was confused that Player One was referring to Player Two’s clever use of said icons.
Player One:> very strategic.
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):>
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> SHUT UP STUPID #@$!%
Player One:> Oh look I won, wow. Must have learned a lot from playing with you - except you're a moron, so that can't be it.
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):>
Player One:> um OK. Are you two?
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> NO YOU ARE 5
EDITORS NOTE: Perhaps Player Two is Napolean Dynamite?
Player One:> great comeback.
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> WHY DON'T YOU TAKE YOUR OWN ADVISE AND SHUT UP?
Player One:> why don't you learn to spell "advice"?
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> EXCUSE ME #@$!%
Player One:> Maybe you should spend less time playing games online and more time learning to spell.
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> I HAVE A MASTER'S DEGREE IN BUSINESS AND FINANCE I DON'T THINK TYPING IN CHAT IS A BIG DEAL
Player One:> wow a master's in finance and a pro-football husband. You have a rich fantasy life. Did they not teach you how to spell in business school?
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> ESPECIALLY AGAINST AN UNEDUCATED !%#@$ LIKE YOU
Player One:> Insults from morons are compliments - so thank you!
Player One:> I appreciate it. You are flattering me.
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT UP?
Player One:> I just keep answering you. But I don't expect more logic than that from a mildly retarded person such as yourself.
Player One:> I'm sorry, I meant moderately retarded.
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> YOU SHOULD GO TAKE YOUR MEDS AND CALM DOWN
Player One:> lol I think you'd know all about meds.
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> NOT ME
Player One:> It seems you're the expert on meds. Probably take several a day.
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> I TAKE NONE ON ANY DAY - YOU PROBABLY TAKE BOTTLES EVERY DAY
Player One:> Maybe that's why after playing 2600 games of backgammon online you're still a pretty poor player.
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> LOOK AT MY RATING AND LOOK AT YOURS
Player One:> Seriously, are you like 12 years old? Now I feel kind-of bad because I think you might be a pre-adolescent.
Player One:> Yes, I waste my time playing with real people and having a life.
Player One:> I'd suggest you try it sometime but I can't imagine who'd want to be around you long enough for a game of backgammon.
Player One:> See that was a stupid move.
Player One:> Yours, obviously.
Player One:> I'd tell you why but I don't want to teach you anything.
EDITORS NOTE: Player Two wins the next game and Player One shows good sportsmanship… or not.
Player One:> Bye loser. You won the match, but you're the biggest loser I've ever met! Enjoy your sad life - NOT
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> GO !%#@ YOUR CAT BIRCH
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> YOU ARE A CHEATER ALSO
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> YOU %#@$!%# $!%#@
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> LIAR
Player One:> Oops, looks like I won. Is it part of your strategy to lose a bunch of games??
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> CHEATER
Player One:> Yes I cheat. I have hacked into MSN and tampered with the dice. You are a freak.
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> NO YOU CHEAT
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):>
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):>
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):>
Player One:> I want to send you a picture too, but I can't find one of a big freak.
Player One:> I copied this chat because no one will ever believe what a freak you are without reading it.
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> CHEATER
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> CHEATER
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> CHEATER
Player One:> You will make many, many people laugh. Thank you!!
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> #@$! YOU %#@$!
Player One:> Especially since I'm going to win. HA!
Player One:> HAHAHAHAHAH
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> NO IN MY LIFE TIME
Player One:> So funny. You are strategic. LOL
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> YOUR LIFE TIME IS VERY SHORT RIGHTNOW
Player One:> LOLOL
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> #@$! YOU %#@$!
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> #@$!%
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> JACKASS
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> CHEATER
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> LOSER
Player One:> I've got to copy this part too. I have never met such a freak. Are you on a computer in a mental hospital???
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> YOUR POOR HUSBAND MARRIED A LOSER
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> NO, BUT YOU ARE
Player One:> LOL
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> GO TO @$!% AND I HOPE YOUR CHRISTMAS IS A NIGHTMARE FROM $!%#
Player One:> My husband is laughing his bootie off right now. He loves this. Freaks crack us up. Seriously, thank you for the laugh!!
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> GO TO @$!% WITH YOUR POOR LOSER OF A HUSBAND
Player One:> Now I feel bad; obviously you will be spending Christmas alone, no friend, no family, no pets. AWWWW!!!
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> REALLY I WILL BE AT THE FOOTBALL PLAYOFFS WITH MY HUSBAND
EDITORS NOTE: I think at this point in time, no one is playing backgammon anymore…
Player One:> No football player husband, no business degree, probably no highschool diploma...
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> #@$! YOU %#@$!
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> YOU KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
Player One:> Do you at least have a job?
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):>
Player One:> Yes, collecting a welfare check. That's your job.
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> NO, I DON'T HAVE TO WORK WITH THE SALARY MY HUSBAND HAS
Player One:> You are a really funny person. I mean, you don't mean to be, but you are, on accident.
Player Two (AKA PSYCHO):> YOU ARE A MENTAL CASE
Player One:> Uh-huh.
EDITORS NOTE: This was my favorite game of backgammon ever!